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Why Family Engagement?

Engaging families to work in partnership with schools and communities improves the chances for student success in school, and throughout their lives. Family engagement promotes student equity, which is crucial to the nation’s increasingly diverse student body.

Involving families in their students’ education in a meaningful way can be challenging for state agencies and school districts that are looking to simply meet a “family engagement” requirement.

By reframing how staff thinks about family engagement and infusing guiding principles throughout health and education systems, families can be partners in their students’ education and well-being.

Sex ed may be a class, but experts say the best education begins at home

Whether Josh Jaime and his 17-year-old son, Solomon, are in the car, jogging around Kensington Metropark or powering through strawberry waffles at IHOP, they always end up talking sports.

It’s usually recapping the recent Detroit Tigers game or running through stats for Tigers catcher Brian McCann, Solomon’s favorite player. But occasionally there are deeper topics — like when Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice punched his then-fiancée into unconsciousness in an Atlantic City casino elevator.

“We’ll take those examples and we’ve turned them over into conversations we can have about sex,” says Jaime, a single dad from Novi, Michigan. “(And topics like) drinking and how to treat a woman. To him, it’s very relevant. He follows baseball, he follows football, these are his heroes. (I tell him) ‘This is the way you wanna be and this is the way you don’t wanna be. If you are this way, this is what the consequences are.'”

Jaime wasn’t always so comfortable bringing up sex and healthy relationships — despite a deep parental desire to do so. But thanks to some training and parent education through his local school district in Michigan, he’s now got solid information and said he feels empowered to talk, and keep talking, about these crucial topics — blending them almost seamlessly into the regular conversational cadence of life.

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Josh Jaime and his son, Solomon, 17, take in a Detroit Tigers baseball game at Comerica Park in downtown Detroit. | Provided by Josh Jaime

As a parent, he sees himself as his son’s first and most important educator, but appreciates the backup Solomon gets from high school sex ed classes and rejects the idea that parents and schools have to be at odds over this topic.

His stance is echoed by many experts who believe that when the topic of sex ed devolves into an argument over ideological approaches — abstinence-based versus comprehensive sex ed — it overlooks the most powerful factor in any school’s sex ed curricula: parental involvement.

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Parents can be a powerful force, but only if they have information, connections and encouragement — like specifics about curriculum options and the needs of kids in their local school, relationships with schoolteachers and other parents and a sense that their voice matters.

“Sex education programs may give information, but attitudes, beliefs, values and modeled behaviors often take place elsewhere, (like in) the family,” says Kim Miller, senior adviser for youth prevention at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s Center for Global Health.

“In a perfect world,” Miller continues, “we would better equip parents and caregivers to support lifelong sexuality education — that begins in the home and embraces the values and beliefs of the family.”

Putting parents first

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When teens were asked in a national poll who most influences their decisions about sex, 52 percent of 12 to 15-year-olds said it was their parents. Only 1 percent said teachers and educators.

For the 16- to 19-year-olds, 32 percent said parents’ voices were the most important, with friends coming in close behind at 28 percent. Only 3 percent said teachers were most influential for their sex-related decisions, according to the survey by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy.

“Parents are the primary, we are the secondary,” says Samantha Bushman, CEO of the nonprofit “Talk, the New Sex Ed,” which she calls an alternative approach to sexuality education. She wants to stop the polarized discourse around the topic and return parents to the leading, but supported, role as sexuality educators for their children.

“Parents spend 18 years with them, so as an educator, my responsibility and my duty is to support and empower parents,” she says. “I always defer to the parents, they’re the best experts on their kids.”

But parents don’t feel like experts, especially when it comes to talking about sex, Bushman says. So the Pittsburgh program starts by working with parents in an after-school setting, giving them a conversational framework and assuring them that talking about sex won’t encourage risky behavior. From there, trained “near-peer” educators facilitate classroom discussions with teens and teach decision-making and critical-thinking skills that go beyond rote memorization.

A growing number of programs are working to involve parents more by offering homework assignments and activities for teens and their parents throughout the curricula, knowing that an ongoing, years-long conversation at home will be much more impactful than a dozen hours at school.

In the comprehensive sex ed program “Get Real,” each classroom lesson is followed with a family homework assignment, which allows parents to see what was taught and add their own family values. The relationship-focused sex ed programs “Love Notes” and “Relationship Smarts PLUS” do similar things, with parent/teen connection activities that provide parents with talking ideas and even specific words to use.

By making sex ed a team effort, Bushman hopes parents and teens will focus their conversations on issues like: What age should I start dating? What does a good relationship partner look like? When is sex appropriate and not appropriate?

Then topics like basic anatomy, puberty, sexually transmitted disease testing — can be discussed in classes with trained professionals, a division kids already seem to prefer, Bushman says.

Schools involving parents

Yet, if parents aren’t OK with certain information coming from the school, they should have the right to opt their child out and tackle that side themselves, many advocates and educators say.

“(Parents) absolutely rule,” says Barb Flis, founder of Parent Action for Healthy Kids. “If they don’t want their kids to participate, that’s OK, thanks for telling me that. I’m not going to judge.”

For the last decade, Flis has worked with hundreds of school districts in Michigan to increase connection between parents, communities and schools on important health issues like sex ed, school nurses, physical activity and nutrition. She’s also in the business of breaking down stereotypes, like the ones that say parents aren’t interested, won’t participate or are even adversarial toward school initiatives, particularly sex ed classes.

As someone who became involved as an interested parent, Flis knows many parents want to be involved, but along with their busy schedules, just lack a foundation.

Most schools, including those in Utah, approach sex ed by sending out letters informing parents of the approaching course and requiring a signature before kids can be taught. Letters also often invite parents to “come look at the curriculum” if they’d like.

Most parents don’t “go look” because that invitation is akin to handing Flis a stack of documents describing different mortgage options and saying, “pick the best one for your home.”

“I’m not in the mortgage business,” she says. “I need it translated into a language that I can understand — what does it mean for me as a homebuyer? It’s no different with any kind of curricula, especially sex ed curricula, which is very personal. How are you translating what you are doing in the classroom into something that I can understand as a parent? Then, at that point, I can decide if this is something I want for my child.”

Flis works to improve communication around this topic by working with school districts and their sex ed advisory committees, as well as with parents through her “Talk Early & Talk Often” workshops, and has even done day-long Saturday events where parents came, had potential curricula presented by teachers, heard from a panel of teens about the issues they face in school, and talked with other parents about potential concerns and questions.

In all of her work, she relies on data from the CDC’s Youth Risk Behavior Survey, or YRBS, which monitors health risk behaviors, including sexual behaviors, in young adults across the country. Flis says those figures help parents and educators use facts, instead of emotions or perceptions, when discussing the challenges teens face and what should be done to help them.

Flis has found that once parents understand what their teens need, and what effective programs really include (or don’t) they move beyond assumptions or decades-old experiences and become the biggest supporters.

And when the parents and schools are on the same page, they can choose the best evidence-based program for their community.

In Utah, state law requires that teachers use an abstinence-based curricula, which conveys a strong message of abstinence but allows for some discussion of contraception and sexually transmitted diseases. Of the 41 school districts in the state, only Canyons, Jordan and Provo districts have chosen a more limited abstinence-only approach, as each district has the freedom to decide, under state law, how they want to teach human sexuality, said Linda Mayne, health specialist for the Utah State Board of Education.

Utah’s law also forbids teaching in four categories: the intricacies of intercourse, sexual stimulation, erotic behavior, etc. 2. The advocacy of homosexuality. 3. The advocacy or encouragement of the use of contraceptive methods. 4. The advocacy of sexual relations outside of marriage or sexual promiscuity.

Worried that current law might confuse providing information with advocating, in January Rep. Brian King, D-Salt Lake City, will reintroduce a bill that would allow districts and parents in the state to choose a comprehensive sex ed curricula instead of an abstinence-based program. The bill would continue the policy of parental permission for students to attend the class but would give parents the option to give their child an expanded curriculum.

However, even using the term “comprehensive sex ed” may stir up unnecessary controversy, King said, because he’s much more concerned about increasing the teaching as it relates to healthy relationships, not just biological or anatomical facts.

“I want to talk … about how sexual relationships are multifaceted,” says King, “in a way that will cause thoughtful kids — and when taught the right way they will be thoughtful — to say, ‘You know what? Maybe instead of initiating with this person, I’m going to wait. And the reason I’m going to wait is I’m better educated and I understand more how significant this is, rather than just a lark in the back seat of my dad’s car.'”

Getting involved

Clemens Wittekind has always been an involved parent, eager to know what’s going on with his kids’ education.

So when his daughter and son reached elementary school, he started to ask other parents about the school’s approach to relationship education and whether they thought it was enough.

Wittekind knows these conversations aren’t easy, so he would break the ice by asking other parents about how their teens reacted to that scene in a popular movie, or how parents manage kids’ media time, or when they let their kids date.

Wittekind’s drive to get answers landed him on the PTA and later on a sex ed advisory committee at the district level in Michigan, where he helped choose a local curriculum.

“School districts want that,” said Wittekind, who now lives in Atlanta and whose children are 24 and 21. “They want parents who care. There are so many sex ed teachers that crave parent involvement in this and that’s what we need. That’s how it gets to be better for everybody, when people get beyond just speculating about what the district is doing, and digging in, finding out and getting involved.”

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Not every parent needs to serve on a district board or be heavily involved in the PTA, he says. (His wife chose to serve in other ways.) But he believes that every parent should stay engaged in their child’s learning, because as parents, they are the first and best educator, no matter their child’s age or grade.

“One of the biggest things that parents have to bring to the table, what schools can’t, is moral issues,” said Wittekind. “This is where parents need to step up. You want your child to feel and know and have a little voice in their head about how you as a parent feel about this.”

“Nobody is an expert at this,” he added with a laugh. “You have a lot of people with whom you have that in common.”

Schools are unique environments where people with a variety of experiences, opinions and backgrounds join together with a common goal of helping raise strong, resilient kids. When parents are willing to engage in open-minded conversations with people they don’t know well or may even disagree with, and then work past the discomfort they feel, it’s a “huge step forward,” Wittekind says.

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Those conversations push the discussion beyond “abstinence” or “comprehensive sex ed” paradigms, (or maybe even start a discussion for the first time) and help parents really talk about what they want for their children, and what program would work best for their school community.

“With sensitive subjects like this, it’s amazing how many people start opening up, and you make connections,” Wittekind says, “especially when there’s sometimes painful things involved. You start sharing, you create deeper connections. That’s what life is about. That’s what makes our life richer.”

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Sara Israelsen-Hartley

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@saraisraelsen

sisraelsen@deseretnews.com

Parents Play a Key Role in a Safe Prom Night

Barb Flis, Founder of Parent Action for Healthy Kids

Parents and supportive adults play a key role in empowering teens to choose to have a fun and safe prom night. Teens who report regular, open communication with their parents about important issues are more likely to care about their personal safety and less likely to engage in risky behaviors like drinking or using drugs and driving.

Here are a few tips for parents to consider:

Tip #1: Remind your teen to keep things in perspective. This is one event of many in their life. Prom, like graduation is a celebration of growth and moving forward, it is not meant to be celebrated as if it were the last event of their life.

Tip #2: Stand in the mirror with your teen. Tell them you love them and how happy and great they look. Tell them tomorrow you want to see that same happy teen. Impaired driving, or riding with someone who is impaired, can too quickly change the reflection in the mirror.

Tip #3: Send your teen off with a positive expectation for a fun and safe night. We tend to think that worrying shows that we care, but in reality it sends the message that we lack confidence in our teen.

Tip #4: Remember A3. They can call you Anytime, Anyplace, Anywhere for help. No questions asked; you will be there.

Parents Don’t Have to be Tech Savvy to Teach Kids Cyber Safety

Parents are often overwhelmed by the constant changes and advancements in technology. The truth is parents of teens and pre-teens don’t have to be tech savvy in order to help their kids be digitally responsible. Parenting in the digital age requires these four acts of L-O-V-E:

L is for Limits! Limit the amount of time online and on the phone. Have a check in station upon arrival home for all electronic equipment.

O is for Overemphasize! Overemphasize the seriousness and consequences of sending text messages or pictures over the internet or cell phone.

V is for View! View what your teen is posting. Ask them their views on what they consider public and private and discuss it.

E is for Expectations! Be clear about your expectations. Let your teen know what you consider to be appropriate and inappropriate behavior when it comes to internet and cell phone use.

Parents interested in gaining additional skills in talking to their teens and pre-teens about cyber safety are invited to register for the Talk Early & Talk Often℠ Parent Connection Conference. The conference is being held on March 2, 2013 in Livonia, Michigan for parents of middle and high school aged youth. The workshop, Is Sexting, Texting and Social Media Hurting our Teens?, will help parents become aware of the benefits and pitfalls of digital connectivity in their teens life. This conference will be the first ever sex education conference exclusively for parents. For additional information and to register, visit www.parentactionforhealthykids.org.

When on Twitter, be sure to use the hashtag #TPCC2013 when tweeting about conference, or when looking for tweets about conference.

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Barb Flis, Founder of Parent Action for Healthy Kids, is an advocate for parents and a published parenting and children’s health expert. Her focus lies in connecting families, schools and communities for the purpose of promoting the well-being of children’s social, emotional and physical health. Her “parent-to-parent” approach has garnered her much praise and national media attention. Visit http://www.ParentActionForHealthyKids.org for more information.

The Teen Brain is Under Construction: 5 Tips to Help Parents Get Their Teens Through Adolescence

Posted January 30th, 2013

The teen brain is mysterious. Parents often stand in disbelief as their teen’s behavior fluctuates from acting like a 22 year old one second to a 2 year old the next.  Believe it or not, this is actually normal behavior.  The teen brain is still under construction and differs greatly from an adult’s in the way it makes decisions and solves problems.

There are three main areas of the brain that are struggling to grow, interact, connect and develop during the teen years.  These three areas of the brain make up the pre-frontal lobes.  The pre-frontal lobes regulate logic, common sense, judgment, reality, and problem solving.  All of these skills are part of the journey that will continue until the mid-twenties when hopefully the brain becomes fully developed as an “adult brain.”

A perfect example of a teen brain under construction is 21 year old Manti Te’o!  Spoken like a true parent, Manti’s dad, said on Katie Couric’s show, “he’s not a liar; he’s a kid.”   Until a teen’s brain is fully developed they will struggle to develop mature problem solving skills and will make bad decisions.  Due to hormone surges there are a lot of emotional mood swings and struggles with sorting reality from fiction.

It may not always be easy, but a parent is still the biggest influence in a teen’s life and does not have to stand idly by. Parent Action for Healthy Kids offers these 5 tips for parents to help their teens make healthy choices while their brains are still under construction:

1.  Provide lots of physical contact, from hugs to rough housing;
2. Speak and show love as much as possible;
3. Constantly nurture by protecting, supporting and encouraging;
4. Communicate clearly without yelling and lecturing;
5. Allow teens to face logical consequences whenever possible.

Parents who would like to gain more knowledge about the adolescent brain, as it relates to sexual behavior and decision making, are invited to register for the Talk Early & Talk Often℠ Parent Connection Conference. The conference is being held on March 2, 2013 in Livonia, Michigan for parents of middle and high school aged youth. The keynote address, The Adolescent Brain: Under Construction, will humorously explore the mysteries of the adolescent brain. This conference will be the first ever sex education conference exclusively for parents. For additional information and to register, visit www.parentactionforhealthykids.org.

Be sure to use the hashtag #TPCC2013 when tweeting about the conference, or when looking for tweets about the conference.

Parent Action for Healthy Kids Announces the First Ever Sex Education Conference Exclusively for Parents

Parent Action for Healthy Kids, with support from the Michigan Department of Community Health and the Michigan Department of Education, is excited to announce the first ever sex education conference designed just for parents. Parents are the primary sexuality educators of their children and yet talking early and often about sex can be a real challenge for parents. The Talk Early & Talk Often℠ Parent Connection Conference will offer parents of middle and high school aged youth the opportunity to learn how to talk to their children about sex. The conference, loaded with workshops, will highlight the facts about sexually transmitted diseases, how to navigate through sexting, texting and social media, how parents can work together to support effective sex education and much more.

This first of its kind conference is the brainchild of Barb Flis, Founder of Parent Action for Healthy Kids.  Flis’ track record for parent workshops, webinars and trainings debunks the myth that parents don’t support sex education.
“Hosting a sex ed conference exclusively for parents has been a dream of mine since I first started working with parents on this topic,” said Flis.  “For nearly two decades I have been hearing from parents that they want more content and more information.  More than anything parents have said they want to connect with other parents for support. They are thirsty for information, and this conference will finally give them exactly what they are asking for.”

The conference keynote address, The Adolescent Brain:  Under Construction, will humorously explore the mysteries of the adolescent brain and how the adult and adolescent brain are different.  Also, for parents who want to hear the real deal unfiltered, the conference will close with a panel of teens engaging parents in an honest conversation about how to make the most out of parent/teen relationships. The keynote, youth panel, as well as conference workshops, will provide parents with the knowledge and skills necessary to help their children make it through adolescence.

The conference will take place Saturday, March 2, 2013 from 8 a.m. – 4:30 p.m. at the VisTaTech Center – Schoolcraft College, Livonia, Michigan. Conference fee is $25 / $35 after January 21.  Parents must pre-register; there will be no on-site registration the day of the event.  The conference includes a continental breakfast and lunch.

A pre-conference workshop, Roles & Responsibilities When Serving on Your School’s Sex Education Advisory Board, will be held on Friday, March 1, 2013 from 5:30 – 8:30 p.m. at the VisTaTech Center – Schoolcraft College. The Pre-Conference is intended for parents who serve on a Sex Education Advisory Board (SEAB), or would like to learn more about the SEAB’s roles and responsibilities.  Pre-Conference registration is $25 and includes dinner.
Visit www.parentactionforhealthykids.org for conference information and to register.  Be sure to use the hashtag #TPCC2013 when tweeting about conference, or when looking for tweets about conference.

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Talk Early & Talk Often℠ (TETO) was developed by Parent Action for Healthy Kids with support from the Michigan Department of Community Health and the Michigan Department of Education.  Since its roll out in 2005, it has received high praise from parents and media. The initiative has now expanded from workshops across the state of Michigan to a conference exclusively for parents in March 2013 and a growing social network for parents. The Talk Early & Talk Often Parent Connection Conference will be held in Livonia, Michigan.

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