March Madness…Burnout, not Basketball!

Good riddance March! If you are a teacher, principal, school nurse, parent or provide any service to students or families, then let’s collectively give a huge sigh of relief that March 2021 is coming to a close.

For these folks, lovingly referred to as “servant leaders,” the month of March has always been an endurance test. But then, with the arrival of spring break, they get their second wind, knowing they are almost at the finish line for the school year. But this year is different, way different. Already having gone through a full year of pandemic, these essential workers feel like they are failing the endurance test and to make it worse, they see no finish line to motivate them to keep going. But they keep going anyway hoping the finish line will appear, hence the burnout. Why do they keep going you ask? Because they are, well, servant leaders, and their goal is for humans to thrive, and in this case, little humans. They are empathetic, humble, compassionate, caring, patient people and their heart-felt gifts have a long-lasting affect. Are you a Servant Leader? I thought so!

So, as I see it here is the madness. There is no finish line in sight for Covid, coupled with the fear that our little humans will not thrive physically, academically or emotionally. Not to mention the stress over the uncertainty of how much longer one can push through without breaking.

Whelp, with March Madness almost behind us, may I humbly offer you just two tips that will start to open the door for you to spring forward to a place we all desire. That is a place safety, connection, peace and freedom. Yes, that’s quite a leap, so it is crucial to take these tips in teeny tiny steps, then noticing the little gold nuggets along the way. Teeny tiny steps and noticing the golden nuggets will motivate you to keep springing forward. This is no April’s fools’ joke, it really works, but these are essential:

Be gentle with yourself – I am talking about the way you would be gentle with a new born baby. The kindness, soft voice, gentile way one would hold and talk to a newborn. We all have a strong inner critic warning of and wagging a finger at perceived screw ups. We demand so much of ourselves, what if we lighten up just a little? Many of us have acquired a belief that being tough on ourselves somehow prepares us better for some future unknown disaster. Actually, the opposite is true. The inner critic zaps our energy, sucker punches our self-esteem and shuts down any creative, out of the box thinking that benefits us, especially in tough times. We can and should swaddle that baby in ourselves and lovingly lay him/her down to rest. The beautiful thing about being gentle with yourself is that your gentleness with others will then flow freely and authentically.

Don’t believe all your thoughts – Yes, you heard me right, stop believing everything you think. Not all our thoughts are true. Besides, our thoughts can make our mind a living hell. We all have a lot of clutter in our brain, and truthfully, it’s a bit seductive. Often it makes us feel busy, important and helps us to avoid feelings. We can choose which thoughts we want to believe. Keep in mind, when we believe something, we act on it and put energy into it. Each of us are worthy and have a responsibility to ourselves to monitor how we use our precious energy. The beautiful thing about this tip is you will soon become so positive, that you attract more of the same. The negative Nelly’s in your life will start to fall away.

So, there you have it, just two tips to take in teeny, tiny steps and notice how much closer you are to that place of safety, connection, peace and freedom. Thank you for your service in helping our “little humans” thrive.

If you would like more of these tips along with support, I invite you to join me in April for a “Mini-Retreat.” Servant Leadership – Serving Ourselves First is a series of four one-hour sessions to take steps on the path back to your true nature. Now more than ever, our world needs the gifts of a Servant Leader, the world needs you. I hope to see you in April!

Barbara Flis,
Founder Parent Action for Healthy Kids

Making Self-care the Path to a Compassionate Connection with Families

March 2021 is Parenting Awareness Month (PAM)

When we are called to be a Servant Leader (that is our service is to others), we often never think that the first place to be compassionate is to ourselves. During this time together a few simple steps will be shared on ways to put yourself at the center of the compassion circle and why this is so important to your life and to those you serve.

An Event hosted by Parenting Awareness Michigan with a guest speaker from Parent Action for Healthy Kids, Barb Flis.

March 18th, 1pm – 2pm.
Register in advance to attend this zoom virtual meeting.

October 8, 2020October 8, 2020

Parents and Teachers Need Recess Too

Recess Relieve Relax Blog Post Educators Teachers Kids Parents Children Social Emotional Learning

Parents & Teachers: Need Recess Too

Recess for most of us and for kids today, was and still is one of the best parts of the school day. It’s time to get a break from the classroom, run around, play, climb, socialize, or just sit under a tree and contemplate. Over the last two decades, recess has been shortened, cut back, and in some cases, cut out completely to give way to a more rigorous schedule. Its only savior has been the research revealing the undeniable benefits recess has for improved focus, academic success and overall physical and emotional well-being. It’s an interesting social phenomenon that we’ll take a stand for and insist on for our children but won’t insist on it for ourselves.

As I work with parents, teachers, and school leaders, I always come away with a jaw-dropping list of topics to blog about. How lucky am I to bear witness to the love, care, and determination so willingly given to make it work for students under quite unworkable circumstances? My vision is to raise the important work of families and schools and bring attention to the uniqueness of their roles. Unique because they don’t do it for the financial gain (quite the contrary for parents), they do it for the moral compensation which can’t be measured.

Today, my heart is heavy. I can’t bring myself to offer an ounce of encouragement to “stay with it” or to say, “keep going, you’ve got this”. The behind the scenes view is troubling. The 24/7 grind is showing. No matter who I met in recent weeks, parent, teacher, building principal or superintendent, they looked bone-weary, dare I say physically and emotionally bankrupt. So, with things so dire, taking a break, going out for recess seems like a logical thing to do, but then why isn’t it happening?

As dubious as it sounds, its guilt, and there is an outpouring of it! And let’s face it, honest to goodness self-care just isn’t popular! Not to mention the unfounded shame involved. We perceive that setting a boundary to take care of yourself and saying, “I need a break,” will cause judgment to be cast upon us. It might appear that you’re not doing your job or you’re not keeping pace or worst of all, you don’t care. No doubt, that perception is accurate; however, the logic is skewed. When we by-pass our exhaustion and our feelings, we pay a price and, spoiler alert, the kids pay a price too. Think about it, we’re modeling for our children that it’s not who we are that matters, it’s what we do that reigns supreme. Yep, Big Ouch!!!

There is a cure for this pandemic of self-neglect, but it takes courage and most important, baby steps. Parents and educators have been generous in granting grace to each other, now it’s time to extend that same grace to ourselves. Can you find five minutes a day? Good, use the five minutes to try these three simple things:

- - Take a deep breath. Stand up, get your feet on the ground. Close your eyes and take a deep breath and hold it until you feel the tension, then release. Do this three times. This will help you ground yourself. The exhale will help you release and rejuvenate.

- - Draw an imaginary arm’s length circle around you. This is your boundary. The space you take up in the world. It is what you have control of and the knowing of what you value. This boundary helps you to feel safe and protect what is important to you.

- - Get quiet and notice one sound in the room. This is your sacred time to come back to yourself, the wise, unique you. Allow and notice all of your feelings. Don’t ignore the vulnerable parts, like the fear, worry, anxiety, confusion, anger. We spend a lot of energy pushing away feelings rather than honoring them. This quiet time heightens your intuition which is always there and paying attention. It is what helps orient you to change.

I have seen countless wise teachers, stop instruction because the kids desperately needed to get out on the playground and move. The school bell is ringing for the caretakers. Let’s grace ourselves with a five-minute recess. If I haven’t convinced you, then let me just say this, the best way to love your child is to love yourself.

Here is to a happy, healthy and memorable school year!

Barbara Flis,
Founder Parent Action for Healthy Kids

September 9, 2020October 8, 2020

Yours, His, Hers, Mine & Our: Journey with Education

When my kids started school decades ago, I found September to be more of a milestone for me than their birthdays. Because my educational experience was less than ideal, I was apprehensive about whether I was going to be able to hold up my end of the educational deal between teacher and parent. Each year, I felt like I was climbing a higher mountain in their educational journey. Briskly moving from simple colors and letters in kindergarten, to high school physics class, fear became a frequent visitor.

I truly don’t know what parents are going through today raising and educating a child during a pandemic. But I do know the fear and doubt that are ever-present as a parent. Rather than give you sympathy and be a co-conspirator which only serves to feed your fear and doubt, I am going to offer you something much better, hope. Hope along with the opportunity for social and emotional learning for both you and your child that will last long after the pandemic is over.

What saved me from plummeting down the K-12 education mountain were the teachers. Thankfully, my fear forced me to crack open the door just a little to admitting I needed help; and there, standing by willing and able, was a teacher. I have hung around teachers for decades and one thing I know for sure, they’re suckers when it comes to teaching. They are educators to the core. They helped this frightened little Momma and showed me the way. So much so that when my oldest daughter graduated from high school, those same teachers told me now it was my turn. “You are one smart cookie, go back to college, and get your degree.” This smart and still frightened little cookie listened and soon thereafter ensued a bachelors and masters degree and my twentieth year in business connecting parents and teachers.

I urge you to get your hiking boots on and climb this mountain one step at a time. When reflecting on my journey here is what I can pass along for you to consider:

Here are a few things you can consider:

- - Know who is responsible for what. You are the parent, not the student. As a parent you’re job is to make sure structures are in place so learning can happen. Your child is responsible for learning. The teacher can’t assess how students are doing if the lines get blurry.

- - Be comfortable asking for help. Let the teacher know what you are struggling with and what your child is struggling with. This goes for personal circumstances that can interfere with learning as well as academics. The teacher won’t know how to assist or correct things if she/he doesn’t know the backstory. Hey, it’s also great modeling for your child in identifying and solving problems.

- - You’re always going to be afraid, so rather than resist it, make friends with it. Fear is there to sharpen your instincts and intuition. It might be telling you to reach out for help, or challenging you to learn something new. This is the same self-management we want our kids to learn.

- - Make curiosity a part of the journey. It’s not “can I do this,” but, “how will I do this?” Goal setting and perspective-taking is empowering as well as motivating.

- - Be playful, laugh often, especially at yourself. The gift in laughter is that it breaks open the brain to lots of possibilities and creativity. The inspiration and insight that appears will astound you. This is why you will hear teachers say “learning is fun.” Besides it’s impossible to have a positive thought and a negative thought at the same time, so why not go for the positive.

I was with a group of teachers last week, and I can tell you they are feeling all of the same emotions that you are. As is the case for everyone, life has been flipped upside down. What came through loud and clear however was a “can do” spirit in each of them. They are determined to create an environment where students can learn. They will do the heavy lifting which will be made easier with parents by their side.

Here is to a happy, healthy and memorable school year!

Barbara Flis,
Founder Parent Action for Healthy Kids

Tag: teachers

March Madness…Burnout, not Basketball!

Making Self-care the Path to a Compassionate Connection with Families

March 2021 is Parenting Awareness Month (PAM)

Parents & Teachers: Need Recess Too

Yours, His, Hers, Mine & Our: Journey with Education

Yours, His, Hers, Mine & Our: Journey with Education

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