Only Mothers read Mother’s Day Blogs!
Well, it’s true, isn’t it? I doubt a spouse, partner or kids who are not parents themselves are taking the time to read any of the hundreds of blogs, social media posts or news articles about motherhood and honoring mothers. At best, they mostly serve as a reminder to these folks that they dare not forget the day. So, if you’re a Mom, Grandmother, or someone who has parented/supported a child, this is what I would like for you to know.
You are enough! Yep, you heard me correctly, you are enough. You don’t have to try harder, do more, be more, give more. You are enough. It’s been quite a year and all the parents I have worked with (let me say the majority have been Moms) have become increasingly aware of their limits. I say, bravo! Now you can start to make changes to take better care of yourselves. But this thought never seemed to occur to the Moms I spoke with this past year. They instantly defaulted to “I’m not good enough at parenting, the job, homeschooling, or the relationship with my spouse or partner.” They felt defeated and as if they were falling short in all areas of their life. If this is hitting home to you, then get a big thick marker and a piece of paper and write “I am enough” and tape it everywhere. You’ll know the “I am enough” feeling when you can go to bed at night and tell yourself you’ve done the best you can and you can do no more.
Ask and you shall receive! Giving to others and sacrificing is what got us this special day along with a heap of stress. Why do I somehow think that a day was designated for Mothers to appease us and ease the guilt of the beneficiaries of our efforts? Lucky us, we got a whole day! The truth is we do get to have more than one day a year off. You’ll notice I didn’t say “deserve,” because, we are enough by just being, remember? Here is how to find more time for yourself. Consider making this Mother’s Day the start of opening the door just a crack to asking for and receiving help. This is the best form of self-care that you will ever do. This might be asking your child to pick up their dirty laundry; your spouse to put the kids to bed; or your son-in-law to change a light bulb for you. It truly doesn’t matter if they do it or not, the point is to practice asking and be ready to receive with an open heart. It’s been my experience that an over-giver is an under-receiver. I was such an over-giver that my receiving muscle atrophied. So, then I started small, asking people, when my arms were full, if they could please open the door for me, or a quick ask of a tall person in the grocery store, would they mind getting a box of macaroni and cheese from the top shelf. Success, I was batting 1000. I then moved on to observing people who I thought to be selfish and noticing how excellent they were at receiving. I clearly was in foreign territory; however, these receivers soon became my role models. Slowly but surely, I got my giving and receiving into a healthy balance and surprisingly my “enough-ness” grew stronger too.
You have the power! Yes Dorothy, those ruby slippers you’ve had on this whole time, truly are powerful. That person who is enough has always been there squawking to get us to come back home to our true selves where can see our enough-ness. Instead of a tornado, we got a pandemic. So now, you have the power to decide how you want to be post pandemic. While you’re thinking about it, put your feet up, open your heart wide and receive the wisdom that the best way to love your child, is to love yourself.